Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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