hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
