I feel great
I just peed on a car
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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