Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
