I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
