I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
