so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
