I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
