Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
