I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
