he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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