Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
