Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
