Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
