how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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