Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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