there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
