you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
