If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was like eating out sand paper
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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