Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
