I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
