everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
