You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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