Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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