So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
