pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
