Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
