Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
