the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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