its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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