sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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