Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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