You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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