my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
