I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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