I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
