hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
