I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Duck Duck Cougar?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
