this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
