Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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