Porn is love you can see.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
