Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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