the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
