why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
