She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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