cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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