it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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