I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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