Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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