Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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