I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
