Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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