he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
