On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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