my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
